Thursday 22 September 2016

Formal Letter Writing

To: Brad
From: Marilyn
Date: 19 September 2016
Subject: Self Introduction of myself

Dear Brad,

                My name is Marilyn Tan. I am currently studying telematics at Singapore Institute of Technology. I am writing this email to let you know more about myself.
I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic in May this year. I also studied in Fajar secondary school and completed my N and O levels which took about six years because I got promoted from normal technical to normal academic.

I love sports, especially sports that are both competitive and challenging. The recent sport that I am into right now is touch football which is similar to American football but with the tackling of opposing players replaced by a touch.

My goals for studying telematics is to invent something to help out on the transportation or further improve coding so that other people might be able to use the codes for further enhancement.
My aims for the future is to look at the changes of how telematics can change the world. Transportation will be the focus of the topic everyone is talking about. Vehicles are not travelling on wheels, through roads. All this can only happen if somebody starts to do something about it. What we have learnt will help change the future.

Thank you for taking your time reading this email. If you have question, you may email me and ask me. I will be more than willing to answer. I also want to know you more too because we have just met, I would like to hear more of your stories to success.

Sincerely,

Marilyn Tan 

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Revised on : 30/9/2016
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2 comments:

  1. Brad Blackstone26 September 2016 at 23:48

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Brad Blackstone26 September 2016 at 23:50

    Thank you, Marilyn, for this friendly yet formal email. It's informative, allowing us readers to get an idea of what makes you enthused. I'm impressed by the connection you make between your interest in telematics and the transportation needs for the future.
    Also, as a serious American football fan, I'm intrigued by your interest in touch football. How did that interest develop? Do you regularly play?

    Finally, I appreciate the fact that you want to learn more about me. That shows a good sense of "the other" on your part. I'll be happy to talk more about my own learning journey during our short time in this module.

    There are a few language issues in your post that are worth considering:

    1) My name is Marilyn Tan, I am currently studying Telematics at Singapore Institute of Technology. >>> (comma splice overuse of capitalization)

    2) I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic not long this year, May. >>> (phrasing) I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic in May this year.

    3) I also studied in Fajar secondary school and completed my N and O levels which took about six years because I got promoted from Normal Technical to Normal Academic. >>> (misuse of capitalization)

    4) The recent sport that I am into right now is Touch Football ... >>> (capitalization)

    5) this SIT Telematics >>> ?

    6) My aims for the future is see the changes... >>> (subject verb disagreement)

    7) what we have learn will be future’s changes >>> (wrong verb form)

    8) If you have question, you may email me and ask me, I will be more than willing to answer. I also want to know you more too because we have just met, I would like to hear more of your stories to success. >>> (comma splice)

    Please see https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/34/

    Let's work on these. I look forward to assisting you this term

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